my heart’s numbered beats

this is my list.  i make these when i’m cranky or sad, in the hopes that reminding myself of all the things that make me happy will make me actually happy. the list never ends.

-shoulder massages so intense that it feels like the hands are trying to press thumbtacks into wood.
-cheekkisses
-bunky. my teddy bear since 1985. we were meant for each other.
-pickled beets.  i’m seriously considering throwing on some gym clothes and going to the 24-hour stop and shop for some right now.
-long, dark curtains.  not for the darkness, but for the drama that they add to the room.
-the first hint of new leaves.  from a distance, it looks like there is a green fog hanging over the trees.
-peep frogs.  i know i’ll hear them soon.  they’re already going, but i don’t live near any, and i need to go in search of them.  it can’t be spring without them.
-the sound of italian, the feeling of french.
-coffee mugs.
-coffee snobbery.
-daydreams.
-days when my hair is ok without too much prodding from me.
-blog posts about the death of leRoi moore.  i am crushed that he is gone, but happy that he is so loved.
-creative wake up calls from a romantic fella.
-the nook i make in my perfect bed, between giant pillows and a down comforter.
-pre-fall teaser weather; waking up to clear, blue, sunny skies, and 45 degree temperatures; needing to wear fuzzy slippers and a long sleeved robe to the kitchen.
-when matt tickles my feet. JUST my feet.
-cookouts at the hippie farm, and when my friends realize that i’m a good cook.
-learning how to change the oil in my jeep.
-thinking maybe, just maybe, i’ll have some sort of income soon.
-fitting into my gap boyfriend jeans again.
-collar bones.  they are the new hip bones.
-getting 4 questions right at trivia last night.
-the smell of freshly-laundered sheets.
-walks through my new neighborhood.
-horizontal sunlight in the late afternoon, turning the tops of the trees golden yellow after a long day of rain.
-murky, cloudy, dismal days.
-pretty much any kind of weather…
-especially that sweater weather is around the corner.
-the new couch!
-rockband jam sessions
-morning runs with my ipod
-being super cool at trivia night (even if it’s strictly by association).
-kittens. who doesn’t like kittens?
-bubbles. there, i said it.
-mimosas and bloody marys, and the fact that they are socially acceptable with breakfast.
-eggs benedict from mike’s diner in the south end.
-breaking my 3-month record. if it ends tomorrow, at least i have that.
-my handwriting.
-days that i don’t screw up too much at work.
-getting postcards. from anywhere.
-room temperature pints of guiness. it’s how they were meant to be drunk.
-the appreciation i get from the fresh-off-the-boat irish bartenders for ordering a pint of guiness.
-surprising dude with website gems and when he actually wants my opinion on things that matter.
-the song idioteque by radiohead.
-enjoying a glass of wine while i cook dinner.
-feeling something. finally.
-my bling ring.
-ivan’s knack for modeling.
-really good coffee
-squishy pepperoncinis and eating them whole.
-a clean desk at the end of the day.
-making the perfect ambient luxe pandora mix.
-singing along.
-the way my finger protests with dry skin when i forget to wear my family ring for a few days.
-foot rubs. for REAL.
-M*A*S*H
-louis, beldar, gerber, and the new geranium that still needs a name.
-the smell of man.
-stellated dodecahedron.
-the walk to trivia night with tim and danrunt.
-laundry day ritual.
-being totally caught up at work.
-google talk.
-”no, YOU shut up!”
-album cover artwork.
-planning and embarking on roadtrips.
-the song breathe me by sia.
-when the chef emails me to remind me to eat lunch.
-coffee snobbery.
-barbecue-flavored rice cakes.
-dark chocolate.
-making up my own meanings for christian rock songs, so i can enjoy them disgust-free.
-comically misspelled soup names on orders. like “anus beef chili.”